Millennial set objectives are goals with measurable targets for improving the lives of our single ladies and gentlemen who are aspiring for marriage, to becoming good mothers and fathers respectively for nation building.
In this regard, marriage is an impossible situation made tolerable by unselfishness. Marriage takes two completely different individuals and places them in a position to spend the rest of their lives together in the most intimate relationship we can imagine. Before marriage becomes a reality, there must be a previously developed feeling of love or strong attraction to him or her.
Marriage: a formal union between two individuals that unites lives legally, economically and emotionally.
Dating: to be romantically involved with someone. E.g when two people are seeing each other exclusively for six month.
Relationship: close, strong and deep association between two or more people (the way in which two or more people or things are connected)
Courtship: the period which precedes their engagement and marriage. No body contact, no hand holding, no romance; but dating involves all these.
Mate: a partner in marriage.
- FACTORS FOR CHOOSING A MATE
There are two factors for choosing a mate, they are; major and minor factors which are considered the most common characteristics in selecting a prospective mate.
Physical Attractiveness: Almost everybody agrees that this factor is overrated and that physical appeal alone is a very shallow foundation (low beginning) for a marriage however, in our society beauty in women is still commonly more highly valued than intelligence or creative ability, and more and more women are openly acknowledging the importance of physical attractiveness in the men they desire. There is little danger in making a mistake on this criteria as long as one holds it in proper perspective and is sure the person one marries has a number of other important traits.
Physical Size: Matching for size is trivial considerations. Incompatibility based on disproportion in physical size can be considered negligible. The issue of the woman being taller than the man is probably the most crucial one having to do with physical size. This reflects a complex set of societal expectations coupled with an abnormal fear of bruising the male ego.
Age: There are two questions here; are the parties individually too young to be married or is the discrepancies in their ages so great that it suggests difficulties? Age discrepancies usually involve an older woman and a younger man. The difficulties in adjusting to this factor arise when people concentrate only on chronological years.
It matters not how old or how young a person is but where they are in the life cycle. Age is a biological process, but the life cycle stages are determined by ones occupation, level of maturity, family life experience, degree of flexibility, and most importantly on one’s attitude towards life.
Health: Health includes emotional well-being as well as physical aspects of health. A concern for good health is a reasonable thing because health is wealth. Healthy partners ensure happy and long-lasting marriage. Others include; financial fitness, personality, ethnicity, humility, religion, educational background and faithfulness.
- HOW TO CHOOSE A LIFE PARTNER
Have an accurate view of yourself: The journey to finding a life partner starts with you! To know who will be best for you, you’ve got to know exactly who you are .know what you like, what you don’t like, what you are good at, and what you are bad at. Also know what you want from your partner. Be realistic and honest with yourself. If you are having a hard time examining yourself, try asking your closest friends to help you. Most important of all, love yourself, flaws and all.
Define your life’s goal: Two people who are spending their lives with each other need to be on the same page for almost all of life’s major decisions (if not every single one). Having a disagreement about a major, non-negotiable aspect of your life can stop a relationship in its tracks even when two people get along perfectly otherwise. Be open and honest about these goals, trying to lie to yourself can lead to long-term resentment and that won’t be fair to your partner.
Draw on your experiences from past relationship: If you are having trouble determining what you want in a partner or what you want out of life, think back to relationships you have already been in. the choices you make in your relationships, conscious or unconscious, can help clue you in to the sorts of things you are looking for in a partner and even the sorts of things that you may need to work on to make a long term partnership work.
Ask lots of questions in the early phases of a relationship
As you meet and begin to date a new person, talk to them about themselves. Ask them about what they like in a partner, what their life goals are, and what their life goals are, and what their long term plans are. Your partner’s ethics, interest, spiritual outlook, and even diet may be important to your long-term compatibility, so don’t be afraid to ask about any of it.
- TIPS FOR CHOOSING THE RIGHT PARTNER
Don’t make choices out of fear: So many times people either choose a partner or stay with someone in an unhappy relationship predominantly out of some kind of fear. Usually that fear is being alone, but fears can vary widely from person to person. It’s often better to be alone and wait for the right person than to make a decision out of fear.
Be careful of jumping into a committed relationship right off the bat
It can be tempting to jump into a committed relationship quickly when you find someone you have a fiery connection with. However you don’t really know that person yet and you are getting emotionally invested in someone that you don’t know much about. As time progresses, you may find out things that you really don’t like or that you are truly not compatible with this person. Because you invested so much emotional energy quickly, this can hurt a lot more than it would have if you had taken time to get to know the person before putting your whole heart into the relationship.
Throw out your checklist: Many people have extensive list of what qualities and traits their ideal partner has to have. If you box yourself in to a checklist you may miss out on some great matches for you. It almost impossible to find a perfect checklist partner, and when we think we have found it we throw all caution to the wind and disregard some not so desirable qualities. A great relationship has emotional compatibility.
Look out for qualities that are the foundation of a good partnership, throw the tiny details out: The qualities of a person that help to build the foundation of a good partnership are: empathy, integrity, honesty, reliability, kindness and emotional generosity.
Find someone you can be yourself around: This may sound funny but it’s true. Picking a partner where you feel like you can be 100 percent yourself with no judgment and complete acceptance is a wonderful and liberating feeling. In life it can be difficult to find venues where you can truly be yourself. A relationship should be your safe and comfortable place where you don’t have to keep a mask on.
Don’t keep waiting for something to change that obviously wont
The longer you stay in a situation that you know is ultimately doomed or doesn’t align with your personal values the more you hinder yourself from having the opportunity to meet the right person. Be clear with yourself about what you will and not accept and know what your deal-breakers are. Once you become clear on those things, it is easier to make a decision about the fate of a relationship.
Have fun: The less pressure you put on yourself, the happier you are with yourself, and the more at ease you are will create a space to attract the right kind of people to you. Sometimes it takes seeing a lot of what you don’t want, to figure out what you do want. Enjoy yourself.
- FACTORS TO EVALUATE BEFORE CHOOSING A LIFE PARTNER
Family history: Here we are concerned with how connected a potential partner is to their family members and the quality of these relationships. I look for two red flags when I am talking with a potential partner about their family history. One is when they indicate that everything is or was terrible; the other is when they say that everything is or was perfect. Try to determine how much they are able to accept, forgive and have family members back.
Past relationship: It is important to discover what kind of friendships someone has had or currently have. The best sign is that they still keep a few of their oldest friends. See if they have been able to take some responsibility for their failed relationships.
Dealing with anger: This involves your observing rather than asking. Watch how they act when they don’t get their own way, when they are disappointed, or feel angry. In life, we have to manage not getting our own way as well as hurt and disappointment. How people act with others under these circumstances says a lot about how they will one day act to you.
Generosity: Since this is considered one of the major key to a good relationship (according to long term studies in the University of Virginia), watching how generous your potential partner is in their treatment and discussion of others, is extremely important. When we are love-struck, we are all generous and loving, but you need to look for indications of how generous someone will be when the love portion wears off.
IMPORTANT QUALITIES TO LOOK OUT FOR IN YOUR POTENTIAL LIFE PARTNER
A sense of humor: The course of love never did run smoothly, and neither did the course of quitting your job, moving house, having children or dealing with tragedy. Difficult things will happen in your life, so it’s important to make sure you have someone to make you smile along the way.
Reliability:Life is hard enough without worrying about whether someone is going to show up or call when they said they will- a reliable, solid partner will never leave you wondering where you stand.
Physical and sexual attraction: Physical beauty is an important life advantage, and it is of fundamental significance in the mating game. Bottom line: you do not want to spend your life with someone you find physically repellent and not sexually attracted to.
Shared values: Whether you are in agreement about how many kids you want, where you want to live or simply that you just both love a big bowl of pasta, having important things in common can help you to build a solid ground for your future together.
Being able to forgive and forget: Love isn’t all about kissing, cuddling and spooning-you will have arguments, too. But knowing how to come back from them and make up with each other is just as trying not to into them in the first place.
Being hardworking: Someone’s willingness to stay at the office late and impress their boss rather than going to the pub with all the interns means they have got their priorities straight – and they won’t be playing PlayStation in a few years’ time while you are slaving away at work. You will be building a home together on equal grounds.
They get on with your family: Never forget that your family have your back more than anyone else, so they can sniff out a bad partner from a mile away. If they approve of yours, everything in your life should be ten times easier.
Being honest: You need to know when you are being hard working and when you should be apologizing. Similarly, you need to always say what you can be able to do and stop saying things you can’t do.
An interest in your life: They don’t cut you off when you talk about how you want that promotion, and they buy your favorite moisturizer for you because they remembered you had run out .consideration and genuine interest in your partner’s life can work wonders for keeping your relationship happy.